Dreams come true

It only took a matter of days for my latest wish to come true.

It was the end of the Idul Fitri holidays and I was reluctant to go back to Jakarta and to work. Well, what do you know, only half a day back at work when my holiday was extended to another three days … extended by my doctor that is, who ordered me to rest until the acute respiratory tract infection (ISPA for my Indonesian friends) that was causing all the coughing, wheezing, ear ringing, throat flaming, bone aching and flashing head pains, improve.

This brought to mind my other wish that came true.

I remember dreaming of a little house all of my own, where I can home each night from work. It doesn’t matter that the house was dark when I get home, because it would be all mine, and I could do whatever I want in it. It would have to be small so I could maintain it on my own. I wouldn’t be lonely there at all since it would be my home, my palace, my refuge, and I didn’t want to share this luxury with anyone … at least not for a couple of years.

Three years ago I got myself a nice property on the outskirts of Jakarta. It’s all mine. And when I come home from work each evening the lights are always on — I made sure to install a light-sensored bulb on the front porch!

God has an odd sense of humor, and we mere mortals are never satisfied with what we have.
Be careful of what you wish for.

lost ideals

I’ve forgotten how long it’s been since I’ve stopped looking at my work as the path to making a mark on the world – a way to make sure that a part of me is left behind when I leave this existence.

Nowadays it’s difficult to be enthusiastic about my work. Not that it’s not exciting or challenging or gratifying … it is all that and more … but more and more I see it as nothing but just a job.

This may come across as ungrateful, since those early days of teaching English, no doubt my career has taken an upward trend. And yet, I seem to find it difficult to be excited about working overtime, to come to work when I’m supposed to be on holiday.

Not that I have anything else to do. None of the excuses of quality time with the family for me. I simply can’t find joy in working when I’m supposed to be resting. Mind you, you won’t find me grumbling when I have to put in more hours at the office or when I have to bring my work home (this last one I prefer) … but I delight in having time off, doing nothing but lie in bed with a good book, or spending time with my playstation 2. I sound like a major geek!

Maybe it’s the age factor? Maybe it’s a yearning of something more from life but not knowing where to find it?

I don’t know where they’ve gone, those lost ideals.

How far would you go for love?

Trying to elicit responses here.

Would you give up a perfectly good career to marry someone you love?
Give up your economic independence for the warmth of a family?

Knowing that you’d probably be facing boredom, be putting up with all the things that you find meaningless – such as arisan dharma wanita, pengajian and PKK.

Knowing that if something happens to the marriage, it won’t be easy to return to the carefree life and the career you had before?

Knowing that being economically dependent puts you in a much weaker position (how many women put up with their husband’s philandering ways because ‘what would happen to my children if we divorced?’)

If you had the choice of love, warmth – I’m not going to say happiness here, because happiness is relative and doesn’t depend on a spouse – family and (probably) security – security of not growing old alone, at least — would you give up your hard-earned career … all the sweat and hard work you’ve put in to be where you are today?

Economic dependence over independence?
Love over possible loneliness?

How far would you go for love?

Dating “Oom-oom”

“What’s the youngest age that you’d be willing to date?”

I was asked this question a while ago, while drinking coffee at Plaza Senayan with some friends. After some thought I answered “28″, thinking that I’ve dated 28 year-olds before and it worked okay (didn’t last, but it was okay while it lasted).

“That means he’d be from class of 98-99 right?”

I was flabbergasted. Really? No way!

Then I remembered, the last time I dated a 28 year old was when I was 31 … that was two years ago. My 28 year old would have been 30 right now … and I am 33. Three years age difference was one thing, a five years one is a whole different matter!

On older men, I just realized that women in my age group would have to date men in their 35s or 40s … in the “oom-oom” age bracket so to speak, and I simply can’t see me dating beer-bellied men like what most in that age bracket have become…

“Face it girl, you’re a ‘tante-tante’ yourself!”

Hiks … life is harsh